As planned, I've reached London on 17th September 2016. It was super touching for me to have my friends coming to send me off in the airport. I never felt so loved and cared. I always thought I was the kind of person whom people would not talk about when I'm not around, which sometimes can be a good thing. But to have so many people to send me off? I'm so grateful and excited to begin the new chapter of my life, totally shedding off the 'old' layers of me to become, or at least try to behave like, who I always wanted to be.
I began to love trying new stuff. I've always wanted to become someone who love trying new stuff. Back in Malaysia, I was scared of trying something new even though I'd love to. It's like I'd always hesitate for a long time and end up not going. I was surprised myself that I eventually became comfortable to try new stuff in this whole new strange environment. At the third week, which is last week, I went to YAS (Yonce Appreciation Society) first meeting, which ended up distasteful. I tried pole fitness (yeah pole dance) and I kinda like it. I went to Muay Thai taster session, terribly interesting - I'm gonna join this. I went to a gym all by myself, which I normally will feel uncomfortable because there are lots of people in there. I went to an interview yesterday for voluntering tutor programme without preparing it at all and got recruited! Miracle!
One of the concerns of mine before coming to London is that I'm gonna lose all my 'market' here. Mat Salleh ain't gonna love me and my style. I mean, even Asians themselves don't really find me attractive.
But that just isn't the case. Different people have really different perspectives. Some thought I was cute. One said I was sweet and sexy. And you can feel how passionate he is, how his eyes only have your body, and how he's trying to feel through touch. The ending started with his eyes looking blankly at the front. He asked, 'How many years are you staying here?' I said, '3 years.' He knew this wasn't lasting forever. 'What do you do?' I asked. He laughed softly, 'I'm just a security.' We both knew this isn't gonna last.
He said he was going to study pharmacy at first, but at the end he studied applied science. A moment of silence. He is an Iranian.
I didn't dare to ask more. He stared emptily into the air. At the moment I thought I saw his disappointment.
When REALITY hits, what should people really do?
We knew there wasn't a single positive possibility.
He's huge and warm and firm. He said he'll spend more time here next time, maybe watch a film. I laughed.
Now that the application was updated into a new one and it got renewed.
All the data is gone.
Maybe this is how reality hits. him (or me).
I've always thought that English movies never really touch me deeply. I always say I feel more love in Chinese songs.
Nonetheless, now I am grateful for feeling loved...
