2016 in a Nutshell

I do not want to be cliché, but 2016 was truly full of 'ups and downs'.
There were good and bad times - a year of 'realising stuff'.

cliché, cliché, cliché. Cause I'm that boring.
I never realise I was that boring until I try to make friends with new people.
But I'm trying. And I'm gonna fake it till I make it, cause that's how it works bitch.


So 2016 I stayed at home for eight months, and went to Sunway in a regular interval. Thank you my friends for giving me a space to sleep. It was amazinggg

I did lots of stuff in these empty months... I waited for applications, I started watching Game of Thrones, I started gym-going, running at tanjung, and several times bumped into the guy that I fucked in the evening (wtf, thats so wrong i didnt fuck him in the evening, i bumped into him in the evening). I watched so much youtube, recorded songs and videos (a big thanks to my friends who gave me this unique experience), dreamed of being a youtuber, heard good news from CIMB to compete scholarships in a bootcamp, felt scared about the bootcamp 'cause there'll be lots of new people but played it cool in the beginning, and that's all the good stuff. I haven't mentioned how US schools didn't accept me, CIMB rejected me...


After the eight/nine months I came to London. Amazing.
On the first day I was quite terrified. It's a strange place, very strange to me.

I went out for shopping, and when the cashier asked me 'do you need a bag?', I couldn't even understand. I asked her to repeat for a few times and I couldn't get it. In the first day morning, I walked on the street and some random guy raised his glass and said 'have a nice day mate', and I thought it's a good sign for everything in UK.


First day of the school, some gigantic black guy hit on me, telling me I'm a nice person (wtf u out of ur mind), and gave me his number. I'm okay guys I'm okay. I survived through his long held handshake.


Few days after, I came out with my newly made friends, and at first the guys were like kinda awkward but they are then really nice to me while the girls were planning to bring me to a gay club and gonna see what's happening uhh. blessings haha.


Then went out with a Singaporean guy. He's okay just that he didn't realize I was this 'small'. I wanna quote his sentence 'you're so tiny'. LOLL and that didn't make out.


So the second month which is October, I signed up for a freaking expensive gym membership. I started working out three days a week. And my workout here is suddenly so much more intense than in malaysia. I would spend two freaking hours every time. I enjoyed taking my time, no rushing home. oh and not to mention the lovely people there. You know. #lockerroomlife just kidding.


And October I had so much sex until a point I was kinda in the mood of self-loathing, 'cause whom I'm meeting were mostly looking so much better in the photos. But I realized it's a process of self-discovering. I never regret it because it was interesting. When you see someone so obsessed with you and your body, and then you started questioning yourself 'is my belly real? do they not see it?'. Another realisation is that, notice everyone always says those porn penises were rare people, and penises were rarely big. And while all asian penises that I have seen it before my eyes were smaller than I first thought they should be, these western and middle east people do have big dick. BIG. but thats not the point. Polish is quite passionate though.


November and December. pshh courseworks and tests dropped onto me like a waterfall. I spent quite a long time in library. oh shit and I got 86 for Biochemistry, which has an average of 51 and its highest being 89. No idea how I did it, bitch. I do want to get into Dean's list. Then I went to Luxembourg, lovely place.


Towards the end of December, hooked up with an English (finally?), slightly taller than me. With his beautiful eyes and pretty face, but bad predisposition, which made him hot. I didn't know he's younger than me. But he did like a king, asking me to plead for pain, or pleasure. And the next day and the next day he would keep on asking for more again. In the meantime he just texted me.


Oh and I went to a club for the first time. Did some pre-drinks. Played the ring of fire, it's a not too interesting drinking game. I tried gin and tonic without tonic, which is awful. I tried tequila shots, OMG I LOVE IT! I tried some festive mulled wine, Prosecco, Cava, Rose etc.

Last night, we went to the Primrose hill with our precious Cava and we drank there with loads of other strangers, standing in the cold waiting for the new year fireworks.



Throughout the year, my lifestyle and how I look at the world have been flipped and tossed around - huge changes. Remember how I would overthink stuff and write proses or poems? I could never do that again. I don't want to start an argument just to argue about different perspectives (And I lost interests in winning arguments). I gave no fuck - this is the magic of not giving a fuck. I'm contented with my own evaluations of things, and I need not persuade anyone. I would say it's a growth, but you can say it's deteriorating or going backwards for thinking less, because many people just started to overthink at this age, and I'm like NOPE, I've had enough of that shit and I know that's not gonna help unless you wanna be an emotional writer. Is that cynical? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm living well.


I have also totally changed my views on sex, which used to be a taboo to talk about. I used to feel ashamed talking about it even though deep down I would crave. It felt like I had successfully swum across the oceans the another island of opinions towards sex (I mean yes physically I'm in a more open-minded country). I figured out that since we're all born because of sex, why are we ashamed of it? Ashamed of talking about or doing it? You should be grateful, son. And it's funny how old people would say the inner beauty is the most that matters (as in physical factor is not important in a relationship), but in their mind they still couldn't accept sex before marriage. OH wait didn't they just mean the physical factors don't matter? Why still want people to hold virginity like it's a precious present that has to be given to a 'special' person? This doesn't make sense, and I think it's a great discrimination to ladies. (Ladies should listen to beyonce more)


My lifestyle has had an immense transformation in this year. I used to hate sports for many years due to many reasons - body shaming, bad stamina, panas etc. This year I finally picked up all my courage to the gym, from worrying to lovin' it. I love how it changes my body and confidences, and how I could sweat. Even in the holidays I felt like my day is incomplete if I missed my gym session. I feel tired for not going to gym. It's bizarre I couldn't describe it.


I also learn to cook real food. Learning all those food names is probably the hardest... linguine? zucchini? fussili? penne? Permigiano-Reggiano or Parmesan? Burritos? Churros? Gluthwein?? currywurst? poisson? boisson? #toomuch


I can't believe I'm saying this since everyone thinks 2016 is a worst year. Yeah I know in terms of what's going on with the world or Malaysia's currency, it's pretty bad, but in terms of personal life, 2016 is a year of positive transitions for me. I'm really grateful.




Happy new year guys!

2016 was amazing. I'm so excited for whatever awaits me in the near future.

Cheers mate.