Sharing My Sunway Experience in A-Level Studies

From the previous post THE END OF CIE A-LEVELS, I have promised to write a post about A-Levels and my relevant experience. So here it is. VERY COMPREHENSIVE from a student's point of view.......

 

 

WHAT IS A-LEVEL?

General Certificate of Education Advanced Level is commonly known as GCE A-Level, or even more commonly, 'A-Level'. 


A-Level is a type of private British pre-University education found in Malaysia. 
Other private PreU educations found in Malaysia: Australian Matriculation (AUSMAT), Monash University Foundation Year (MUFY), International Baccalaureate (IB), South Australian Matriculation (SAM), Canadian International Matriculation Programme (CIMP) and Foundation found in every university).


This British qualification is offered by a few exam boards in the UK. But in Malaysia, the Cambridge International Examination (CIE) and the Edexcel are the only two that conduct A-Level exam.


For Sunway College and Taylor's College A-Level students, CIE is our common enemy.
The specific A-Levels I will be discussing is the CIE A-Level. 

THE RIGOR OF CIE A-LEVEL

A-Level? Most people's impression of it (well, probably the agents) is TIME-CONSUMING, THEORY-BASED, HARD, NERDY but HIGHLY-RECOGNIZED. Some are true and some are not. Let me tell the truth.


TIME-CONSUMING - Yes, 1.5 year of A-Level is longer than the duration of other pre-U programs. Most Pre-U programs only take few months to one year. The exception is the International Baccalaureate (IB), which takes 2 years to complete.


THEORY-BASED  - Hell NO. We have science practical exams in Paper 3 for our Advanced Subsidiary Level (AS) exam. It is more accurate to say A-Level is EXAM-BASED. Our overall result solely depends on our exam result.


HARD - YES. Maths is the relatively easy one. Every subject requires different skills. 
For instance, Biology requires candidates to write answers with a flow and also propose possible things with the knowledge taught in the syllabus (they love to ask suggest-why questions, which we sometimes have no clues at all). In the exam, they will bring up some new industrial processes/ new experiment procedures (that you never heard of) that go oppositely with the processes/knowledge you learnt, and then you'll need to suggest why it is different from what you learn. This is good in a way that we are trained to propose/predict about why and how, and then we'll learn things faster, but this also means it's HARD.

Chemistry gives you whole lot of info and so you need to organize them yourself. Physical Chemistry has many confusing calculation problems, inorganic chemistry wants you to 'propose' the chemical equation about some new reactions.
Physics is by nature hard. And the syllabus is broad enough to increase its difficulty.


NERDY - Well it depends on people I guess. During this 1.5 year, I've improved my fashion sense and watched many movies and had explored the Kuala Lumpur city. Before exams, I went to library every day and night. I feel good to fight with CIE in the library. It feels DAMN GOOD. Am I nerdy? I don't know, but I certainly enjoyed the process.


HIGHLY-RECOGNIZED - Everyone has heard of A-level and its rigorousness. I have never seen any country that does not recognize this qualification (even Taiwan does!). So with A-level, it is easier to apply top universities and also prestigious/generous scholarships. I mean, at least your hardwork is recognized! This is one of the reason that I choose A-Levels rather than the so-called 'fast and therefore good' foundation programs. Because my qualification will be recognized everywhere, and my job was to get a good result and everything will be much easier.

 

 

THE VALUE OF CIE A-LEVEL

From Cambridge

 
Cambridge International Examination is a part of Cambridge Assessment and a department of the University of Cambridge. So taking CIE A-Levels could mean taking the curriculum of University of Cambridge. And on our certificates, Three words 'University of Cambridge' is big enough to capture your, and others', attention. Surely this indicates it is a world class curriculum.

Adding Rigority 

CIE exam board is considered as the most rigorous compared to others. So its rigority is more recognized. Well, this may not be useful in the admission to UK universities because they take all exam boards as the same. Having said that, if your destination is to the US universities that are highly selective and competitive, the rigority plays a role in the admission process.

World Class Education

I do not know whether this applies to A-levels by other awarding body. 
The science subjects syllabus is always up to date. We often learn the theory of new techniques especially in Biology. We learn lots of techniques in biotech, such as bioleaching, Monoclonal Antibody (mab)...and in gene tech. In Chemistry, we have all types of chromatography, golden nanocage, liposomes... We also have lots of lots of lots of case studies, that we need to master it and then apply into a whole new situation (In the exams, they will normally introduce a brand new application of the techniques in some recent projects). So yeah, I'll say this is world class - it evokes my intellectual curiosity consistently.   

 

 

STRUCTURE OF THE COURSE

You've probably learnt that A-Level is designed to be a 24-month course.
More commonly in Malaysia, however, the course duration is merely 18 months.
Teachers always say this is kinda like an accelerated A-Level, although not as 'accelerated' as the 15-month A-Level.


So for the first 12 months, you're gonna prepare yourself for Advanced Subsidiary Level (AS). Three papers for sciences and two papers for Math. The next 6 months are for Advanced Level (AL). Two papers for sciences and two papers for Math.
As a student, you'll always think 18 months are so long, but when they are separated by a 12 months and 6 months, they are short enough. Why?


Because you'll have plenty of holidays (CNY, Raya, Sem break, study break etc...)
And the exam normally takes place at the last two months. So in fact, you're gonna only have 14 months to prepare your A-Levels.   


Another thing about A-Level exam is that you really compete with candidates throughout the world. You get to know your position in the world. Regardless of your raw mark, if your percentile is above 80, you've got an A, because you're better than 80% of all the candidates around the world. In AS Level, there is no A* even if you get a percentile above 90. However you'll need to get a percentile above 90 in both AS and AL, to get an overall grade of A*.

The usage of percentile also means you do not need to get 80% of questions correct, because the questions introduced in the exams are very versatile and can be very difficult sometimes. So the usage of percentile ensures the grading is fair, and also an A in 2005 will be the same standard as an A in 2016, even though the syllabus is much different. 

WHY DO YOU CHOOSE A-LEVEL

Initially, I was not sure about what I want. I mean, I knew that I'm interested in skincare, application of biosciences and solving the origins of life, but I did not know which field of study will bring me to these. Besides, I also wanted to do my undergraduate studies in overseas. 


For many, A-level is like an extended SPM, which provides more time for people to choose what they one. Indeed, this course maintains the breadth while increases the depth of our studies. 


*Some people might not want to specialize in a particular field (e.g. they are interested in learning all sciences), so for undergraduate studies in UK, they opt for a course in Natural Science to maintain the broad-ness.

 

 

WHY DO YOU CHOOSE SUNWAY

The first impression of Sunway is that it is not the best to provide A-Level education (Taylor's College was the best in everyone's opinion, perhaps because it is more expensive). That suits me a lot hahaa, I don't want to go for the best. I wanted to be in a second-best, that has a definite target and that doesn't feel complacent for myself. This applies in my UK university application; I didn't apply to Cambridge or Oxford University.

Another reason is that it has a shopping mall. At that moment, I really crave for a change in living quality, appearance, taste etc. A shopping mall in Sunway would fulfill this better than the good cafes and restaurants around Taylor's College.

Thirdly, I had many friends came to Sunway for A-Levels. And they thought Sunway is amazing. (Even though, with everything it has, it is kinda self-contained.)  

Also, it has an freakin' single bedroom. NAISE. AKU NAK. 

 

 

SUNWAY EXPERIENCE

Ooooo, goodie goodie gum gum.
All people, whether from the college or the university, are mixed together in the campus.
Library, foyer, cafeteria... these are the places where you can see and potentially meet people.

I also have to mention that people here have good fashion sense and very good-looking too. Hahhahaha.    
It's sad tho, A-level is too short for me to familiarize and meet much more people than I could. 

WHO SHOULD CHOOSE A-LEVELS?

 

THOSE WHO STILL NOT SURE ABOUT WHICH SPECIFIC MAJOR TO STUDY

 

These people normally already have an idea about what field they want, but are not sure about the specific major (They know they wanna be in science, finance, accounting, engineering etc.). A-Levels provide a chance for them to further their studies in each fundamental areas, so that they have a taste of what it feels like to be in, say, further math (for engineering).

THOSE WHO NEEDED A INTERNATIONALLY-RECOGNIZED QUALIFICATION

 

A recognized qualification is a smart investment. You can apply to many prestigious universities and scholarships with A-Levels. If you need to put on the same effort on your preU studies, why don't you choose something that people will recognize/reward your effort?

THOSE WHO CAN TAKE UP ACADEMIC CHALLENGE THAT DIFFERS FROM OUR SECONDARY EDUCATION

There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between A-Levels and SPM. SPM merely requires the absorption of knowledge from different fields, whereas in A-Levels, knowledge taught in syllabus swings from 40% to 60% in the exams. Memorizing the facts wouldn't work well in A-Levels, which in fact need lots of analysis in the exam questions.

THOSE WHO WANT TO GO OVERSEAS BUT SLIGHTLY PREFER THE UK UNIS

This is what I didn't know (the agents didn't know too) when I choose A-Levels. I thought A-Levels are equally treated everywhere. However, in US university admission, A-Levels are recognized, but it is hard to find info about applying using A-Levels result. You will find many problems if you intend to go US using A-Levels due to the difference between the UK and US system.

BOTTOM LINE:

The A-Level experiences were actually very good for me. It made me see a bigger, and more complete world. The encouraging environment is very conducive for learning and exploring.

In The Making of Music Video

Months ago I was fortunate to be able to step in a recording studio. My friend and I went to another friend's college to get some recording done. Initially I wasn't invited, but my friend mentioned it to me and asked me if I am interested to at least go there and see what to help. This became my first time being in a recording studio.

The studio was dark, full of sound absorbing material and has some equipment which involve lots of inputs and outputs. There was a glass between the studio and the live room, a space where we sing. Honestly speaking, the live room is the most intimidating space. With all the sound absorbing material on the wall, the live room is very very quiet, and you can't listen to what the producers are discussing unless they allow you to listen.

So it's kinda like a 'stage' to judge you without letting you know what their critics are. SCARY. It was SCARY for the first few times. I was nervous all the time I sing.

As I played a smaller part in this cover, the experience is still good overall. Very enlightening and insightful. We went to the studio a few times, so my nervous-ness was getting lesser.

Besides this, I recorded a solo cover, called 'The Angel of Small Death and Codeine Scene' by Hozier. It was meant for my US college/university admission, but I did not end up submitting because I didn't have confidence in my voice. (The word 'extraordinary talent' intimidates me)

The recording part was still okay, not too bad.
But the video shooting part was really stressful. I had almost forgotten all my parts in the song because it was recorded like at least 3 months ago. I also didn't get the emotions and lip sync very right. I wasn't too professional I think hahaha!
Seeing my face bigger than it was due to the lower lighting, I was also very nervous!
But overall, it was a GOOD experience!

I wonder if we will have another cover, BUT IF WE DO, my performance will be much better.
Video shooting and recording are real tough jobs!
You have a thousand ways to belt a note, but how do you maintain that coherence in your record and real life performance?
I suppose the singers have been through hell lot of training and courses!

Anyway, I think we had a good time and amazing experience playing with music.
This feels so good and amazing.

At the end, I wanna thank all of my friends for being so supportive.
I love you guys, even though you may be not able to see these hahahahaha.
I am so so so grateful right now. xx

Here's the video 'Kelson, ZengTeck, Kiar - Four Five Seconds (Cover)'.

The End of CIE A-Levels

As I have told you guys at the last post, I have had gotten the results of my whole A-levels. Guess what - I got 4 shiny, shimmering, splendid, freakin' A*s!!!!!


*SCREAMMMMM* 

*SCREAMMMMM LOUDERRRR* 

Oh my god, I really hope you know what this meant to me. As I chose to stay in Sunway Monash Residence, I knew people would probably gossip about how wasteful I am (because it's expensive, but it is the only accommodation provided by college itself that has a single room). 

When I first step into my room, I wrote on the glass: MAN YOU NEED 4A*s TO MAKE IT WORTH! So, I started my pre-reading before the course commenced in chemistry (solely because I'd gotten a reference book from my cousin). Well, that didn't last for a month because homework (especially Maths and Chem) was flooding in and I won't get enough of sleep if I did the pre-reading. 




The first semester was the worst in my opinion.
Why? Because I took English Preparatory Course. It adds up a total of 3 hours on top of my A-levels courses. I still remember that on Monday, I have class from 10.00am to 5.00pm but sometimes my chemistry teacher wanted to rush the syllabus so she gave an extra 2 hours class of chem from 8.00am to 10.00am every monday. That was really OKAY. But on TUESDAY, I have A-level classes from 8.00am to 3.00pm. Here comes the significance of English course. It adds into my timetable, from 3.00pm to 5.00pm. 
LORD knows how I survive my day! I slept at 8.00pm every Tuesday!!!!
Every Tuesday, 8.00pm is the time that I feel so much happiness in my bed. Sometimes I didn't sleep, but I lied down and enjoyed the moment of relief.


*I COULD NEVER SLEEP AT 8 IF I HAVE ROOMMATEs!!!!*


In the second semester, there were no more English classes. The schooltime was much easier. But I started to feel the pressure for AS. But at the same time, our classes had started teaching about A2 syllabus. Most of my Jan batch friends have 2 of their subjects above the 90th percentile and another 2 subjects above 80th percentile for their AS exam. I thought, well these brilliant ones have these results, then I shall make this into my target. I have less confidence in Physics (A-level physics is no good) and Biology (the pain is that it's easy to learn but hard to answer). I think I got a B for my physics in the trial exam.


Today, I told my mum, that my result can be an accident you know, because when I got 7As for UPSR, the teachers were saying that I'm an unexpected dark horse. And also, because at SPM result day, I watched all of my friends went up the stage except me. I mean it could be an accident, otherwise it merely implies the public Malaysia education (I mean teachers and the culture among them) restricted me and my growth.



I want to not only thank all my lecturers (Ms. Soo, Ms. Loh, Ms. Angeline, Mr. Jacky, Ms. Wong (she always says '4 Astar harrr!') and Mr. CB Ng *laugh*), but also all my friends. They made me who I am and made me believe. They never belittle me in front of me (no idea about what they've done behind me so.. hahaha).




Ahhh another good news my friends!
I got an offer from University College London...! 
Oh well, the common response is: So it's a college or an uni ah? 


In case you have brothers or sisters who are doubt for their future, I think I would write a post about A-Levels and my experience pursuing it.


Aight, that sums up my exuberance now!
See you guys next time.

Good 2016!

Happy new year to my beloved readers, whether you are my friends or you were or neither.

2015 was a good year for me. I was busy in studies, exams, applications, essays, and then more exams and essays. Of course I didn't forget to have fun; shopping and buying books are my favorite ways to mitigate the enormous stress. Okay... I spent a lot. My penitence is real. Forgive me xx.

2016 denotes an end of my A-level course. I miss Sunway very much and I can't thank my lecturers more for inspiring and encouraging me. The supportive-ness they exhibit makes courage viable. Such as my courage to apply universities in overseas.

Let me update you with the good news!
I have received offer letters for three UK universities out of five. I'm still waiting for others. I was so happy to receive the offer, but a friend of mine was pretty unperturbed by my exuberance. Her argument was that where I wanted to go is the US, so the offer from the UK is nothing important for me. OMG it's so true, but but but... these offers are like an appreciation on my thinking, ideas, and my academic capabilities! 

Look, in a group of people, you'll never find me the brightest. In a class of people, you'll never find me the most outspoken or the one who has the best results. You don't even find me the most well-rounded person. I have opinions but I always ask people's opinions. Unless I am forced to a corner, I never argue too seriously. But I DO HAVE OPINIONS. And they are so unconventional that sometimes people find it difficult to accept even though my argument is strong. This sets me apart from people, but sometimes I wonder if my way of looking at this world is wrong.

And I wasn't the best since I was in Primary school. I wasn't anticipated to get 7As in my UPSR. Well I thought it was impossible for me at that moment. Receiving an offer from a world top 20 university is, you will understand now, a recognization of growth. And I've realized that I have to ability to grow with the environment (which is good!) and finally outgrown who was once better.

Well in another way she is right. The reason that I procrastinate writing blog post mostly is that I'm busy in the US application. Applying to US universities is really tough - tougher than applying to UK universities. First, they want SAT. Then, they ask for copies of secondary education transcript, which includes A-levels as Grade 12. Later, they ask for a common essay. Besides, each university asks for another essays that has its own distinct questions. All of the parts serves as puzzles, trying to depict a whole picture of who I am, what I aim and what I can be. The whole process takes up whole lot of courage and determination. That's why, if I receive an offer letter from the US university, I'll be much much more elated and excited.  
But I haven't heard from them since the day I applied. It's been 8 days for common app unis and a month and 8 days for University of California. Hahaha I'm too anxious!!

Ohh! My result is coming out on the 13rd Jan. God bless me getting a good results!
Yeah that sums up pretty much everything. Once again, happy new year! xx

Kill Me With Kindness

從小到大 畢業的紀念冊上的每個題目
我都當成了人生最終的答案
志願是什麼  我不是寫百萬富翁 就是寫 科學家
可惜以前和我一起說要當科學家的同學們早就改行了
很多入讀商科 金融 或會計
很早很早已經和科學斷了聯繫。
只有我還是想要當科學家或百萬富翁。

一直覺得自己很笨
在那個可以妄語的年齡
我選擇認真不斷去思考 自己最終想要的東西
現在這個年齡再也不能亂說話了
難免有點想念 說話和計劃都不需要探討真實性和可行性的時候。

可能是從那個時候開始
我想做的這些事 在天真浪漫的時候就悄悄埋在心裡了
所以這些事 對很多人來說不實際
最實際/最有用的是啥？
他們大概會說 醫生、工程師、會計師、律師。。。冷門點也就藥劑師吧
因此我在計劃的‘大藍圖’其實以他們的看法是不切實際、好高騖遠

This is what many people thought when they heard I wanted to get into a high ranking university. The default mindset of the people is what I wanted to change. It's not easy to stand by my own, to be determined enough to plan your path towards these place. Believe!

After all, I just want my family to be proud of me.


Instead of jealous, I felt ashamed, for putting tons of efforts on my academic while still, to my parents, I don't deserve a living better than now. People would simply think that I'm wasting money while not consider that I've worked hard!
This is how I felt when I 'tested' my parents.

But then, at the end, I can't hurt their feelings.
I told them to stop.
It's either yes or no, not 'maybe you can try this one' or 'this one not bad also'.
I said please straightaway hurt me by rejecting me, but don't try to 'hurt me less' by offering me something else.

我的少女時代：超催淚

在大馬，電影《我的少女時代》在10月22日上映了。
但我其實是到了考完A2，11月10號才看的。

第一次看的衝擊真的很大
一整部下來鼻酸得不行
忍淚忍得好辛苦
我怕一流淚就會遺漏很多細節



你 滿意現在的自己嗎？

回想起自己的青春（其實也沒那麼老），確實很義無反顧
又很拗
很多話 其實都收在心裡
最常做的事 就是把喜歡的人推出去
不管想幹什麼其實我都會偷偷幫忙
現在想起來 也不知道自己幫了什麼
就知道有推別人一把這麼一回事 哈哈

所以最難過的那一幕對我來說
或許是 聽卡帶的時候吧
我一直說 離開是一堂lesson
但其實也不過是不想再去攪和
甚至也是一種‘你這麼想的話，其實我辦得到’
所以最後離開的時候其實有想過寫信
就是祝願某一天還會相遇

所以我跑到一個不可能相遇的地方
很努力地想要跑到更不可能的地方
我不想當悲劇英雄
我只是不想造成混亂和麻煩

這樣的畫面已經在腦裡打轉了很多年

所以當歐陽非凡告訴林真心真相時
我一陣鼻酸
當林真心聽徐太宇帶著強顏歡笑的卡帶告白時
我是已經不行了
第二次、第三次重看都是在這一幕落淚

我覺得故事拿捏得很好

看完後一直覺得很難過
我的朋友告訴我 ‘是好的結局啊，那還有什麼好難過’
但是我心裡卻一直自己認為是悲劇
我知道是好的結局，但是我卻控制不了悲從中來

現在聽小幸運都是一片疙瘩
上次和Evelyn去唱K 哭得很慘
她就是一直吼 ‘你幹嘛！你幹嘛！！’
其實 那感覺大概是很釋懷又很不捨吧
也是第一次聽歌唱歌可以泣不成聲
所以我現在還沒辦法完整地唱完這首歌

看到徐太宇做數學大補貼
我就想起小學時也是曾經手寫科學筆記
給一個女生   你沒看錯噢是女生
就是， 希望她可以搞好成績
我們就可以同班


我一點也不想做徐太宇（不過如果可以有他帥的話那也不錯，我是說臉）
我只是覺得很多人都看不透面對的問題是什麼
包括 學業、人際關係
既然我明白他們的問題是什麼 我就想要幫忙或讓他們知道
但是固執的人很多，他們覺得我一直笑、裝傻搞笑
所以我有很多東西不懂
但我其實裝不懂 只是不想在沒必要的小事上爭執
大家開心最重要

一路走來
看到別人的問題時我也變得猶豫
該說？還是不該說？
說了他們又堅持，問題出現了你卻不能說‘我早就說過了’
我是這樣失去勇氣的
我更希望自己有林真心的直率，
想說就說，喜歡就講，怕就發抖
不會就跌倒。不多想。

我並不是很會安慰別人
有一次很要好的朋友很難過
叫他出街玩玩 他不肯
我撥電給另一個朋友 讓他安慰他
這招其實蠻有效
但如果我有林真心那般直率
可能說出口的安慰的話會很有傻劲並且非常有力量吧



《我的少女時代》真的非常棒，王大陸超帥。。
我大概還會再去多看兩次吧...哈哈哈哈

I Weep A Little Whenever I Look Back

Days ago I met an old friend. He talked much about the past, like how fun it is or whatsoever. It made me wonder a little, because it felt so far away from where I am now. 

I certainly didn't get the worst middle school life in HSM, despite all the troubles.
Like my teacher didn't want to let me go for a convention, like my teacher was angry when I didn't show up to some member activities, like my teacher didn't expect me of something good... 
Honestly I didn't appreciate much the whole system and the environment. 
The system despises freedom, ignores rationale and glorifies its ego. 
The environment is stagnant, and it condescends to rarity and minority.

He then asked, whether I am still in contact with my another friend.
I stopped and laughed a little. I said maybe no.
He asked why. I couldn't answer.
This made me think back a little more.
I was just - ignored. That's how it ends. I didn't tell him though.
It's been buried deep and I feel nothing much ever since I stop thinking about it.
I praised the power of mentality - I truly feel so detached from things happened to me.
I built targets, I approached them. I look down on mental vulnerability. 
I scoffed at meaningless conformity, and I question everything.
These made me see things critically and take responsibilities firmly.

Hey there, it's all because I was thrown to nothing.

And I found myself in nothing.
I succumbed to the real me.
It didn't mean I am happy everyday. 

It's just that I weep a little whenever I look back.

YASSS

Sorry for my low frequency of blogging. It's been terribly busy...



I've been thinking of talking about this for a long time. You probably have wondered about my transformation for these few years.


It just started 2 years ago, a time when I was never truly feeling happy. I mean, I'll still laugh over funny stuff but after that, I felt doors shut. Futile. Desolation. Sometimes making others laugh and so looking them smile made me feel better.


I'm not saying that reciprocal is a must in any relationship. But when you realize what he always does for others wasn't done for you, I'm feeling an influx of weakness. It's the isolation that pulled me down to a frown. It was really deep and heavy that I couldn't even flash a smile, not anymore.


I tried talking and communicating, sometimes I wish to know what I could have done wrong. But what I got was pretended attention. Did I need that? Did that solve any problem? 


I tend to ask people what they think of me, he was the only one who gave vague reply - when you ask this question you should know already. WHATTHEFUCKYOUPATHETICOLDDUMBPRETENTIOUSBITCHDESERVETOEATSAND


Lamentable - we're never willing to teach people and learn from people. I knew this was wrong, but I kept them buried anyway, pretending things would work out real soon.


And pretended attention didn't last long. I never ask for it, I just need a clear answer because he didn't need to be in peace with everyone. So why not make it clear? You could always tell me that I'm causing annoyance, which was unbearable to your eye. Or you just hated me.


When communication didn't work, I tried guessing or hinting, which eventually led him to reveal some clues. Then it turned out didn't work much, and he became sensitive to the hinting-way of talking.


When both communication and hinting didn't work well, I knew this wouldn't run long since we never have a chance to know what the problem was. The days were slow and dark that I'm still feeling the heaviness when I'm thinking of them. It's like confining all of my thoughts movements. There's no way I can escape. For some time I wish I did accept the offer to international school for a new life. My life had stuck in it for months, and that actually scraped off all of my pride and confidence. I was so small, even in my own life. 

Sometimes I ask why things wouldn't work out in the way you wanted them to be even though you've put in efforts. Newton's Third Law doesn't work this way maybe. Or simply the direction of working wasn't right.

So I needed some retreat, from things that I'm so familiar with, physically and emotionally.

I was back, with resilience. I started to think only things that's going to happen. I stopped pondering why things don't go right and nothing is left. I stop hesitating about saying the right phrase, with 'right' emotion and expression. 

I'm just going to be a total me, free of wandering thoughts. I'm just going to get in a really good university and continue the great 'unexpectedness' I've always created for me and people around me. (When I was in Primary 6, I wasn't expected to get full As. Teachers, friends, and my mum etc thought I was the black horse. When I was in Form 5, I never expect I would get a result that nearly brings me into a KPM scholarships, which is good. Why? Because I didn't want to be bond in this country and limited to college choices. Oh people, I've just gotten my AS results few weeks ago. It turns out I got 90+ for all my subjects, which was totally unexpected for me.YASSS)

It's true. Every hardship or difficulties you are going through right now is helping you to build your success story. I am on my way to build mine!
Cheers people! BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!

Triple A Ceremony

Yes, my AS level exams had ended on last Wednesday.

I was still busy on that day because the next day was the Triple A Ceremony. On that day, everyone was required to wear formal (and this was written on the ticket. GOD, we even had tickets, that sounds like a theme park). I was so nervous because the bespoke suit that I ordered from my tailor was a little bit too big for my tummy. 



So yeah, I was totally nervous because I didn't have enough confidence as that was my first time to attend a formal event. Those 'dinners' (normally weddings) in my hometown, despite being said to be formal, people simply don't care. I was once shaped to neglect much, now I decided to be polite, or extra polite. It's my image, it represents who I am, and I've always wanted it be to elegant, to be cultured and educated. This was the first effect that I had experienced since I moved to Selangor for my pre-tertiary education - be elegant.

Clearly, being elegant isn't about what you wear. You can have a lot of fancy items/accessories on you, you can be very pretentious - having unduly politeness, but when it comes to being elegant, having all of them at the same time is a no-no. It's about how you control in creating your images. 

I'm being educative here, but clearly there are always haters when you try to be better - they think you're trying to be different for no reasons. If you're facing the same dilemma as I once experienced, my advice is to pay no heed to them. In the emotions and words they have, 20% of them are because they can't make it and they think you can't make it while the other 80% are due to jealousy. When you succeed in your endeavor, they would probably change their mind, but hey, let's go back to what they've said at the beginning. They disparage you, disqualified you, disagree with you, they said you're being pretentious, you're wasting your time and asked you to stop doing those trivial/unnecessary things. Bo! These people, let them be.



OMG Why am I saying these? I guess it's because that's a common experience for everyone. CHEERS!


Oh yeah and I was very nervous and decided to watch movies before the events with my friends. What I have to say is Jurassic World is AMAZING!

So on Thursday after watching an early movie, I went back to my place, got some masks on my face, and had a rest on my bed. The nervous-ness, I can't sleep!
So I got my face done, hair done, clothes done, shoes done...

The moment I put on my fancy bow tie, I felt much confident than ever....

Jia Ying, one of the member of HOLE. hahahhaa

This is Khairul, whom I really enjoy talking to him.

IDK what's going on. Evelyn and Thon, both are members of HOLE.

In a queen style.

 In case you're wondering why the group is called HOLE, H is me, who has the highest 'h' in my name. O is Thon, apparently no one has O. L is Jia Ying. And E is Evelyn who has 4 'e's in her name. 

Till next time!

Thoughts of The Night

I've said before,
I don't care anymore.

I mean, it's none of my business.
I mean, I've grown. I'm unique.
And thus I deserve better.

There's nothing worth to think back.

But bad memories keep on flushing in.
I have lots to say, to laugh about myself.
Ignorant, stupid, foolish, impractical.

I need to step up.
Just like what I've told others to put it away, put it down.

I'm stronger than I can imagine.

That's the difference.
You're way too weak, too small, too insignificant.
You'll see, I'm amazing and I'll shine.
I promise to myself.

Memories?
How intangible they are. 
Guess they simply don't exist, just like fantasies.

Complications On Relationship Complications.

Relationship problems do not always arise from either one's fault. It can be first started from the accumulation of tiny, small, inessential interactive moments of nothing special, like seeds, and then ignited by an explosion of a moderately bad, unsatisfying moment, like nutrients making the seeds germinate.
 

Relationship problems are frequently inevitable. In a situation in which there are some problems occurred within a couple whom you know both of them quite well, what would you do if one of them seeks for help? I have a friend who is interested in knowing the problems but reluctant in giving any response.


And this friend of mine, he was very reluctant. Probably he's thinking that giving comments/responses means interfering and taking part in the complications, as I asked for his advice on it, he responded 'We shouldn't be interfering/bothering much about it (because it's other people's businesses)' Perhaps he thought that saying out his thoughts would have to blame one of the lovers. He also said the another one of the couple (both we know well) doesn't like people to intervene in the business.
What do you think?

I find some people acting very strange. 'No comment', that's their quote, as if they were very rational, mature, good at problem solving. Well, I find that funny, for someone harboring a lot of thoughts to say 'no comment' in a smiley, opinions-filled face.


That's as annoying as in a situation where someone in a group saying 'I'm okay with ANYTHING as our dinner' but end up saying 'I don't want to eat thattt!' after we have decided to eat something.



Firstly, saying out your thoughts of opinion is not wrong.

Secondly, you don't have to judge who is wrong and right (although you can), as relationship problems are not directly caused by something/someone.

Thirdly, when your friend seeks for help, you are not asked to justify who is wrong, but you are actually asked to give advice on what to do (to make themselves happy, to stop the problem).

Fourthly, you think reaching out a helping hand looked childish when you look back years later. I think you are childish for being afraid to realize you yourself was once childish. Funny and too dumb!

Fifthly, why wouldn't you want to help when your friend asks for help? Just because the other friend involved doesn't like people to intervene, and so you can't even give an advice? or, at least, say something to make people feel better?



:l That's all for my complaints. He's just so wrong.
And I wouldn't want to change him. Why would I?

Club Friday Series 5 - The Secret of a Heart That Doesn't Exist

I've just finished watching a new short Thai TV Drama,
Club Friday Series 5 -ตอน ความลับของหัวใจที่ไม่มีจริง(The Secret of a Heart That Doesn't Exist).   
It actually ended few weeks ago. 
 

I'm getting REALLY REALLY sad because A) it ends B) it's a very realistic sad story. Whenever I heard the song ได้พบเธอ by Pchy I feel as if my whole world stops for its sadness.

If you have been watching Thai movies, you will know The Love of Siam, which is one of the first few Thai movies that I've watched and it made me quite sad.

The Love of Siam, when both Mario and Pchy were young back in 2007

But this Club Friday Series is different, it made me REALLY REALLY sad. The story was just... sad.

Firstly, (from what I know from Internet, which means it may not be true) Club Friday The Series is a TV drama series based on real story of Club Friday audience. Club Friday is a Thai radio program that allows audiences to phone-in for telling about love/sad stories of them.

And this time, Pchy from The Love of Siam and BIE KPN (which is REALLY GORGEOUS) are the main cast in this drama.

BIE KPN is actually Thai Taiwanese, that's why he can speak Thai and Mandarin. Woww! That mixed blood is making people (me) so envious T.T 

But God is fair right, his fingers don't look that good. Okay it sounds more like self-consoling yes it is T.T 

The story is about a little boy (university student) who faces disorientation and problems that are not suitable to discuss or seek help from his family or friends. He tries to ask for help in the Internet and meets another guy whom he then falls in love with. He does a lot of things just for the guy, but at the end, he doesn't know if the love between them ever exist in reality. Hence the name 'The Secret of a Heart That Doesn't Exist'

ALERT!

YES, this is VERY GAY to watch! 

It's not meant for homophobic people.
But PEACE! We're living in 21st century right.
 

The story begins with Boss having a few potential lovers, his high school friend and his senior. As he started to feel something about his male senior, he feels uncertain about his feelings with his friends and with his senior. He shares his problems in the net and here Wynn appears as a 'counselor' or something like that, giving his philosophical advice. It turns out Boss doesn't choose any of them and in fact he runs away, after realizing he might be gay... and the saddest story unfolds T.T

 

Boss feeling puzzled about his feelings

Wynn gives advice on Boss's problems.

And it turns out the setting of the story (about his high school potential girlfriend and senior) doesn't play a major role in making me sad.

The contents with ITALIC below may contain spoiler......

Wynn is a nicey nicery hot guy. When Boss loses his family, he builds everything back to him. They are so sweet that I can't help screaming when I'm watching. 

But good things never last, right? When I thought it will be a sweeeeet story, something just comes out, or changes. People always say, hot guy changes (laughlaughlaugh). And it happens on Wynn. He starts to give Boss cold shoulders. Boss doesn't know how to adapt the changes. He is unhappy. But then he keeps blaming himself of being childish and selfish, he keeps apologizing to Wynn to keep him back. But to Wynn, nothing matters anymore.  It seems like there are someone else between Wynn and Boss. There are a few times in which I think something can be done and fix everything, but things are often not so easy.

 It seems like Wynn are going back to his ex-boyfriend. And then, what do Boss left? His family seems to despise him for his sexuality. His sister and brother once humiliated him. He was so sad and tired that he left his family and ran towards Wynn. But now he has nothing again.

The most touching part is where he goes back his home. His mother scolded him, not for being gay or having one night stand picture uploaded on the Facebook, but for not picking up phone. 

She said 'Do you know? Every day I was so worried about you. It's only me worrying about you.' But then she asked 'Have you eaten?' 

Boss cries. He said 'every one hates me.' 

She said 'Mum doesn't. You're my child.' 

Then he cries 'Mum, please, you must love me.'

  

This drama is very realistic and you can see it in life often.
I guess it's damn true that when he decides to go, he will go no matter what we do, will he? And it's damn true that we cry and apologize to get him back. It's damn true that we even plead or beg his return. It's damn true that we pull his shirt just to remind we're still there. It's damn true that it looks like long-lasting love. It's damn true that we're then sad, lost ourselves, we can't stand the loneliness. We often find someone else, whom we never love, never like, and someone else who don't even have the face that we adore, the figure that we find attractive. We just hook on it, hook on the warmth. And we wake up of emptiness, with someone we never know sleeping beside us, and without the memory of last night. And then we run away, as fast as we could.  

Then we're back to the point where we have started, realizing the warmth we need is love. And we realize it's all there in home.





After you've read everything, 
if you're ready to face the dark and bright side of reality, if you're still interested,
here I represent the trailer of the whole drama..... the beginning of the story.

Here's one of the OST. I feel extremely sad whenever I listen this song after watching the whole drama.