我的少女時代：超催淚

在大馬，電影《我的少女時代》在10月22日上映了。
但我其實是到了考完A2，11月10號才看的。

第一次看的衝擊真的很大
一整部下來鼻酸得不行
忍淚忍得好辛苦
我怕一流淚就會遺漏很多細節



你 滿意現在的自己嗎？

回想起自己的青春（其實也沒那麼老），確實很義無反顧
又很拗
很多話 其實都收在心裡
最常做的事 就是把喜歡的人推出去
不管想幹什麼其實我都會偷偷幫忙
現在想起來 也不知道自己幫了什麼
就知道有推別人一把這麼一回事 哈哈

所以最難過的那一幕對我來說
或許是 聽卡帶的時候吧
我一直說 離開是一堂lesson
但其實也不過是不想再去攪和
甚至也是一種‘你這麼想的話，其實我辦得到’
所以最後離開的時候其實有想過寫信
就是祝願某一天還會相遇

所以我跑到一個不可能相遇的地方
很努力地想要跑到更不可能的地方
我不想當悲劇英雄
我只是不想造成混亂和麻煩

這樣的畫面已經在腦裡打轉了很多年

所以當歐陽非凡告訴林真心真相時
我一陣鼻酸
當林真心聽徐太宇帶著強顏歡笑的卡帶告白時
我是已經不行了
第二次、第三次重看都是在這一幕落淚

我覺得故事拿捏得很好

看完後一直覺得很難過
我的朋友告訴我 ‘是好的結局啊，那還有什麼好難過’
但是我心裡卻一直自己認為是悲劇
我知道是好的結局，但是我卻控制不了悲從中來

現在聽小幸運都是一片疙瘩
上次和Evelyn去唱K 哭得很慘
她就是一直吼 ‘你幹嘛！你幹嘛！！’
其實 那感覺大概是很釋懷又很不捨吧
也是第一次聽歌唱歌可以泣不成聲
所以我現在還沒辦法完整地唱完這首歌

看到徐太宇做數學大補貼
我就想起小學時也是曾經手寫科學筆記
給一個女生   你沒看錯噢是女生
就是， 希望她可以搞好成績
我們就可以同班


我一點也不想做徐太宇（不過如果可以有他帥的話那也不錯，我是說臉）
我只是覺得很多人都看不透面對的問題是什麼
包括 學業、人際關係
既然我明白他們的問題是什麼 我就想要幫忙或讓他們知道
但是固執的人很多，他們覺得我一直笑、裝傻搞笑
所以我有很多東西不懂
但我其實裝不懂 只是不想在沒必要的小事上爭執
大家開心最重要

一路走來
看到別人的問題時我也變得猶豫
該說？還是不該說？
說了他們又堅持，問題出現了你卻不能說‘我早就說過了’
我是這樣失去勇氣的
我更希望自己有林真心的直率，
想說就說，喜歡就講，怕就發抖
不會就跌倒。不多想。

我並不是很會安慰別人
有一次很要好的朋友很難過
叫他出街玩玩 他不肯
我撥電給另一個朋友 讓他安慰他
這招其實蠻有效
但如果我有林真心那般直率
可能說出口的安慰的話會很有傻劲並且非常有力量吧



《我的少女時代》真的非常棒，王大陸超帥。。
我大概還會再去多看兩次吧...哈哈哈哈

I Weep A Little Whenever I Look Back

Days ago I met an old friend. He talked much about the past, like how fun it is or whatsoever. It made me wonder a little, because it felt so far away from where I am now. 

I certainly didn't get the worst middle school life in HSM, despite all the troubles.
Like my teacher didn't want to let me go for a convention, like my teacher was angry when I didn't show up to some member activities, like my teacher didn't expect me of something good... 
Honestly I didn't appreciate much the whole system and the environment. 
The system despises freedom, ignores rationale and glorifies its ego. 
The environment is stagnant, and it condescends to rarity and minority.

He then asked, whether I am still in contact with my another friend.
I stopped and laughed a little. I said maybe no.
He asked why. I couldn't answer.
This made me think back a little more.
I was just - ignored. That's how it ends. I didn't tell him though.
It's been buried deep and I feel nothing much ever since I stop thinking about it.
I praised the power of mentality - I truly feel so detached from things happened to me.
I built targets, I approached them. I look down on mental vulnerability. 
I scoffed at meaningless conformity, and I question everything.
These made me see things critically and take responsibilities firmly.

Hey there, it's all because I was thrown to nothing.

And I found myself in nothing.
I succumbed to the real me.
It didn't mean I am happy everyday. 

It's just that I weep a little whenever I look back.

YASSS

Sorry for my low frequency of blogging. It's been terribly busy...



I've been thinking of talking about this for a long time. You probably have wondered about my transformation for these few years.


It just started 2 years ago, a time when I was never truly feeling happy. I mean, I'll still laugh over funny stuff but after that, I felt doors shut. Futile. Desolation. Sometimes making others laugh and so looking them smile made me feel better.


I'm not saying that reciprocal is a must in any relationship. But when you realize what he always does for others wasn't done for you, I'm feeling an influx of weakness. It's the isolation that pulled me down to a frown. It was really deep and heavy that I couldn't even flash a smile, not anymore.


I tried talking and communicating, sometimes I wish to know what I could have done wrong. But what I got was pretended attention. Did I need that? Did that solve any problem? 


I tend to ask people what they think of me, he was the only one who gave vague reply - when you ask this question you should know already. WHATTHEFUCKYOUPATHETICOLDDUMBPRETENTIOUSBITCHDESERVETOEATSAND


Lamentable - we're never willing to teach people and learn from people. I knew this was wrong, but I kept them buried anyway, pretending things would work out real soon.


And pretended attention didn't last long. I never ask for it, I just need a clear answer because he didn't need to be in peace with everyone. So why not make it clear? You could always tell me that I'm causing annoyance, which was unbearable to your eye. Or you just hated me.


When communication didn't work, I tried guessing or hinting, which eventually led him to reveal some clues. Then it turned out didn't work much, and he became sensitive to the hinting-way of talking.


When both communication and hinting didn't work well, I knew this wouldn't run long since we never have a chance to know what the problem was. The days were slow and dark that I'm still feeling the heaviness when I'm thinking of them. It's like confining all of my thoughts movements. There's no way I can escape. For some time I wish I did accept the offer to international school for a new life. My life had stuck in it for months, and that actually scraped off all of my pride and confidence. I was so small, even in my own life. 

Sometimes I ask why things wouldn't work out in the way you wanted them to be even though you've put in efforts. Newton's Third Law doesn't work this way maybe. Or simply the direction of working wasn't right.

So I needed some retreat, from things that I'm so familiar with, physically and emotionally.

I was back, with resilience. I started to think only things that's going to happen. I stopped pondering why things don't go right and nothing is left. I stop hesitating about saying the right phrase, with 'right' emotion and expression. 

I'm just going to be a total me, free of wandering thoughts. I'm just going to get in a really good university and continue the great 'unexpectedness' I've always created for me and people around me. (When I was in Primary 6, I wasn't expected to get full As. Teachers, friends, and my mum etc thought I was the black horse. When I was in Form 5, I never expect I would get a result that nearly brings me into a KPM scholarships, which is good. Why? Because I didn't want to be bond in this country and limited to college choices. Oh people, I've just gotten my AS results few weeks ago. It turns out I got 90+ for all my subjects, which was totally unexpected for me.YASSS)

It's true. Every hardship or difficulties you are going through right now is helping you to build your success story. I am on my way to build mine!
Cheers people! BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!

Triple A Ceremony

Yes, my AS level exams had ended on last Wednesday.

I was still busy on that day because the next day was the Triple A Ceremony. On that day, everyone was required to wear formal (and this was written on the ticket. GOD, we even had tickets, that sounds like a theme park). I was so nervous because the bespoke suit that I ordered from my tailor was a little bit too big for my tummy. 



So yeah, I was totally nervous because I didn't have enough confidence as that was my first time to attend a formal event. Those 'dinners' (normally weddings) in my hometown, despite being said to be formal, people simply don't care. I was once shaped to neglect much, now I decided to be polite, or extra polite. It's my image, it represents who I am, and I've always wanted it be to elegant, to be cultured and educated. This was the first effect that I had experienced since I moved to Selangor for my pre-tertiary education - be elegant.

Clearly, being elegant isn't about what you wear. You can have a lot of fancy items/accessories on you, you can be very pretentious - having unduly politeness, but when it comes to being elegant, having all of them at the same time is a no-no. It's about how you control in creating your images. 

I'm being educative here, but clearly there are always haters when you try to be better - they think you're trying to be different for no reasons. If you're facing the same dilemma as I once experienced, my advice is to pay no heed to them. In the emotions and words they have, 20% of them are because they can't make it and they think you can't make it while the other 80% are due to jealousy. When you succeed in your endeavor, they would probably change their mind, but hey, let's go back to what they've said at the beginning. They disparage you, disqualified you, disagree with you, they said you're being pretentious, you're wasting your time and asked you to stop doing those trivial/unnecessary things. Bo! These people, let them be.



OMG Why am I saying these? I guess it's because that's a common experience for everyone. CHEERS!


Oh yeah and I was very nervous and decided to watch movies before the events with my friends. What I have to say is Jurassic World is AMAZING!

So on Thursday after watching an early movie, I went back to my place, got some masks on my face, and had a rest on my bed. The nervous-ness, I can't sleep!
So I got my face done, hair done, clothes done, shoes done...

The moment I put on my fancy bow tie, I felt much confident than ever....

Jia Ying, one of the member of HOLE. hahahhaa

This is Khairul, whom I really enjoy talking to him.

IDK what's going on. Evelyn and Thon, both are members of HOLE.

In a queen style.

 In case you're wondering why the group is called HOLE, H is me, who has the highest 'h' in my name. O is Thon, apparently no one has O. L is Jia Ying. And E is Evelyn who has 4 'e's in her name. 

Till next time!

Thoughts of The Night

I've said before,
I don't care anymore.

I mean, it's none of my business.
I mean, I've grown. I'm unique.
And thus I deserve better.

There's nothing worth to think back.

But bad memories keep on flushing in.
I have lots to say, to laugh about myself.
Ignorant, stupid, foolish, impractical.

I need to step up.
Just like what I've told others to put it away, put it down.

I'm stronger than I can imagine.

That's the difference.
You're way too weak, too small, too insignificant.
You'll see, I'm amazing and I'll shine.
I promise to myself.

Memories?
How intangible they are. 
Guess they simply don't exist, just like fantasies.

Complications On Relationship Complications.

Relationship problems do not always arise from either one's fault. It can be first started from the accumulation of tiny, small, inessential interactive moments of nothing special, like seeds, and then ignited by an explosion of a moderately bad, unsatisfying moment, like nutrients making the seeds germinate.
 

Relationship problems are frequently inevitable. In a situation in which there are some problems occurred within a couple whom you know both of them quite well, what would you do if one of them seeks for help? I have a friend who is interested in knowing the problems but reluctant in giving any response.


And this friend of mine, he was very reluctant. Probably he's thinking that giving comments/responses means interfering and taking part in the complications, as I asked for his advice on it, he responded 'We shouldn't be interfering/bothering much about it (because it's other people's businesses)' Perhaps he thought that saying out his thoughts would have to blame one of the lovers. He also said the another one of the couple (both we know well) doesn't like people to intervene in the business.
What do you think?

I find some people acting very strange. 'No comment', that's their quote, as if they were very rational, mature, good at problem solving. Well, I find that funny, for someone harboring a lot of thoughts to say 'no comment' in a smiley, opinions-filled face.


That's as annoying as in a situation where someone in a group saying 'I'm okay with ANYTHING as our dinner' but end up saying 'I don't want to eat thattt!' after we have decided to eat something.



Firstly, saying out your thoughts of opinion is not wrong.

Secondly, you don't have to judge who is wrong and right (although you can), as relationship problems are not directly caused by something/someone.

Thirdly, when your friend seeks for help, you are not asked to justify who is wrong, but you are actually asked to give advice on what to do (to make themselves happy, to stop the problem).

Fourthly, you think reaching out a helping hand looked childish when you look back years later. I think you are childish for being afraid to realize you yourself was once childish. Funny and too dumb!

Fifthly, why wouldn't you want to help when your friend asks for help? Just because the other friend involved doesn't like people to intervene, and so you can't even give an advice? or, at least, say something to make people feel better?



:l That's all for my complaints. He's just so wrong.
And I wouldn't want to change him. Why would I?

Club Friday Series 5 - The Secret of a Heart That Doesn't Exist

I've just finished watching a new short Thai TV Drama,
Club Friday Series 5 -ตอน ความลับของหัวใจที่ไม่มีจริง(The Secret of a Heart That Doesn't Exist).   
It actually ended few weeks ago. 
 

I'm getting REALLY REALLY sad because A) it ends B) it's a very realistic sad story. Whenever I heard the song ได้พบเธอ by Pchy I feel as if my whole world stops for its sadness.

If you have been watching Thai movies, you will know The Love of Siam, which is one of the first few Thai movies that I've watched and it made me quite sad.

The Love of Siam, when both Mario and Pchy were young back in 2007

But this Club Friday Series is different, it made me REALLY REALLY sad. The story was just... sad.

Firstly, (from what I know from Internet, which means it may not be true) Club Friday The Series is a TV drama series based on real story of Club Friday audience. Club Friday is a Thai radio program that allows audiences to phone-in for telling about love/sad stories of them.

And this time, Pchy from The Love of Siam and BIE KPN (which is REALLY GORGEOUS) are the main cast in this drama.

BIE KPN is actually Thai Taiwanese, that's why he can speak Thai and Mandarin. Woww! That mixed blood is making people (me) so envious T.T 

But God is fair right, his fingers don't look that good. Okay it sounds more like self-consoling yes it is T.T 

The story is about a little boy (university student) who faces disorientation and problems that are not suitable to discuss or seek help from his family or friends. He tries to ask for help in the Internet and meets another guy whom he then falls in love with. He does a lot of things just for the guy, but at the end, he doesn't know if the love between them ever exist in reality. Hence the name 'The Secret of a Heart That Doesn't Exist'

ALERT!

YES, this is VERY GAY to watch! 

It's not meant for homophobic people.
But PEACE! We're living in 21st century right.
 

The story begins with Boss having a few potential lovers, his high school friend and his senior. As he started to feel something about his male senior, he feels uncertain about his feelings with his friends and with his senior. He shares his problems in the net and here Wynn appears as a 'counselor' or something like that, giving his philosophical advice. It turns out Boss doesn't choose any of them and in fact he runs away, after realizing he might be gay... and the saddest story unfolds T.T

 

Boss feeling puzzled about his feelings

Wynn gives advice on Boss's problems.

And it turns out the setting of the story (about his high school potential girlfriend and senior) doesn't play a major role in making me sad.

The contents with ITALIC below may contain spoiler......

Wynn is a nicey nicery hot guy. When Boss loses his family, he builds everything back to him. They are so sweet that I can't help screaming when I'm watching. 

But good things never last, right? When I thought it will be a sweeeeet story, something just comes out, or changes. People always say, hot guy changes (laughlaughlaugh). And it happens on Wynn. He starts to give Boss cold shoulders. Boss doesn't know how to adapt the changes. He is unhappy. But then he keeps blaming himself of being childish and selfish, he keeps apologizing to Wynn to keep him back. But to Wynn, nothing matters anymore.  It seems like there are someone else between Wynn and Boss. There are a few times in which I think something can be done and fix everything, but things are often not so easy.

 It seems like Wynn are going back to his ex-boyfriend. And then, what do Boss left? His family seems to despise him for his sexuality. His sister and brother once humiliated him. He was so sad and tired that he left his family and ran towards Wynn. But now he has nothing again.

The most touching part is where he goes back his home. His mother scolded him, not for being gay or having one night stand picture uploaded on the Facebook, but for not picking up phone. 

She said 'Do you know? Every day I was so worried about you. It's only me worrying about you.' But then she asked 'Have you eaten?' 

Boss cries. He said 'every one hates me.' 

She said 'Mum doesn't. You're my child.' 

Then he cries 'Mum, please, you must love me.'

  

This drama is very realistic and you can see it in life often.
I guess it's damn true that when he decides to go, he will go no matter what we do, will he? And it's damn true that we cry and apologize to get him back. It's damn true that we even plead or beg his return. It's damn true that we pull his shirt just to remind we're still there. It's damn true that it looks like long-lasting love. It's damn true that we're then sad, lost ourselves, we can't stand the loneliness. We often find someone else, whom we never love, never like, and someone else who don't even have the face that we adore, the figure that we find attractive. We just hook on it, hook on the warmth. And we wake up of emptiness, with someone we never know sleeping beside us, and without the memory of last night. And then we run away, as fast as we could.  

Then we're back to the point where we have started, realizing the warmth we need is love. And we realize it's all there in home.





After you've read everything, 
if you're ready to face the dark and bright side of reality, if you're still interested,
here I represent the trailer of the whole drama..... the beginning of the story.

Here's one of the OST. I feel extremely sad whenever I listen this song after watching the whole drama.

Living Essentials

Traditionally, Chinese tends to condemn the act of buying luxury goods.
PRADA, GUCCI, LOUIS VUITTON, DIOR was unknown in my family due to a few reasons.

Firstly, my family and I seldom go to big cities like KL for shopping. When I went to KL for the very first time (with clear memories), I felt everything was amazing and untouchable. A KL trip was like a dream for me.

Secondly, my mum was not attracted or exposed with these luxury goods. She's now exposed and attracted to, but still, she remains indifferent towards them.

Thirdly, my dad was quite stingy on fashion. 

Fourthly, my siblings and I didn't get a chance to be exposed to these designers' brands.

Lastly, my siblings have bad taste. I mean they aren't interested in fashion thingy. They just want everything to be normal, but that's not me. I want to stand out in a reasonable way and I have my own opinions on fashion. And the things that I like or prefer turn out to be products of the designers' brands.

Not until recently (few years ago) my brother's girlfriend first brought her Louis Vuitton bag to my family and gave one LongChamp to my mum as a gift. And I (was allowed to) buy an Armani Exchange belt. Though they cannot really be considered as luxury, they are pretty high-end products.
The reaction to the 'initial exposure' was pretty vigorous as I tried to expose my mum to all other luxury goods. 



I mean, look at these designs, look at that materials used. Why are people still condemning the act of purchasing luxury products?

We've been focusing ourselves too much on the prices and neglecting the value within the products. It's been too long that we have labeled beauty/aesthetic as useless piece of shit and forgotten that we have to build our decent image. Who doesn't want his image to be good, high-end? If buying a PRADA (that you like) doesn't affect your life, you don't have to tie your stomach up, why don't you? 

I mean if the financial condition doesn't allow, then don't. 
It's like learning piano. When your financial condition doesn't allow, you won't find it necessary. But you can't deny that playing piano helps in de-stressing and making you a better person emotionally (it trains you to be patient and attentive too!). So we would say that playing piano is important(or beneficial), but not very necessary, it's a bonus!

Similarly I understand that luxury goods are not very affordable. But buying them is not a sin. They are highly-priced because they have their very own designs which are created by the designers (it is obviously not an easy job to design). Besides, they are made with strong, decent-looking material (so it could last longer). And many more other reasons, but these two reasons are capable of rationalizing the pricing of the products.

People have been telling that donating money to charity is better. But in my opinions, they are not comparable. 

BUYING something is that you want something you need for yourself, whereas DONATING is that you want something for others. 
Buying luxury products doesn't mean wasting because your money is paid to people who work hard to serve you, to design a decent bag that you are satisfied with and you get what you need and want. Donating is that you give out your money to those who are unfortunate.

Thus, both are incomparable and at the same time important to yourself and societies.

I have no idea why I am explaining these so much. But as I have said, Chinese society likes to condemn very much. One of the reason is that rich Chinese tends to use luxury goods just to tell others that he is better or rich or probably has a higher status than others. These can be easily seen when someone only attaches to those really 'notorious' due to the high price. In other words, people who want to show off would simply go for very famous brands regardless of their designs. They never truly appreciate the hard works of the designers. That's the reason why LV, Prada, Gucci, Burberry, Michael Kors etc. are so easily seen being used by Chinese.

Living Essentials.

I have started paying attention to what I wear and learning how to wear through some of these affordable items. 
And when I get to know lots about fashion, I will go for much more luxury goods instead of buying these (because some of them are really having bad qualities like Armani Exchange, definitely the lowest quality among the Armani lines).




Because I don't want my life to be underdressed and cheap.
Tell me I deserve this.

#LivingEssentials

The Year of Goat

It's the year of Goat.

I like that kind of feeling when my family gathers around and talks. It's kinda funny because we talk about the good and bad of each others e.g. who spends money and who doesn't, or who has a brain or not etc.


Honestly, of course, it feels good to be better than relatives. I crave to see how those kiasu ones speak with ignorance and those who like comparing falter. And their faces change. For me, schadenfreude often acts as an enticement to strive. BITCHY, I am.

People with true qualities don't boast their achievements.


But people, could be relatives and friends, do envy and jealous. When they do, they tried their best to attack, belittle, disparage. It's like when you haven't finished your sentence, they caught the first few words and started attacking. They ask you to do the things they don't want to. They don't give support whenever you speak.

I mean, I'm just describing yet it sounds offending. This is TOTALLY fine though. 
I'm fine with it.



Because they wanted to be better.

Hey people, do you get it? Acting like this only shows that you are admitting you're bad or a loser and you're struggling hard to become a 'winner'. But honey, there are no competitions. Why bother crave to be an 'imaginary' winner? Why so eager to tell others you're bad? 

Or maybe they just can't admit others are better (perhaps because you guys were once on the same par like 'hey we supposed to be on the same grade' or they were once better than you are!).

I criticized but I'm still innocent. These ain't competitions. So why victimized me?

I'm scared that one day I would be one of them. So I wrote this down to tell myself, DON'T. 
I hope it works though.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! 
Till next time.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Besides LUCY and INTERSTELLAR last year, the another movie that I have waited for so long is KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE.And last week, finally, it is released!!!

I am sooo excited because I hadn't watched any movies this year. And I have watched it today. If I am asked about my opinion on this movie, I would say IT'S AMAZING JUST GO WATCH!

Same as LUCY, what everyone did in the ending of the movie was CLAPPING THEIR HANDS AND CHEERING. I can't help myself to not doing the same thing as they did because the movie was truly brilliant, brilliant and brilliant! 
Bonus: The main character looks great (tasty?).
 

Taron Egerton as Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin.

Obviously this is an action movie, you would know if you have watched its trailer.
The beginning of the story was quite typical, but it's the way of conveying makes it so different. As in many spy/action movies, a boy is kinda 'chosen'. And the background of the secret organization is quickly introduced. Of course there was some story between the boy's family and the organization. I shouldn't say much about it.
 

Colin Firth as Galahan/ Harry Hart.

There are quite some strong violence content, but again the way of conveying makes it so acceptable. I always thought (or was told) that UK movies are quiet and boring. But this is totally a different story! I was so immersed in the story and often got nervous as the story unfolded.


Let's not talk too much about it (spoilers are nasty).
KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE is a must-watch movie in 2015.

I was quite worry about the FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. Because the novel readers would have lots of high expectations on it, so it's possible that reality can't reach their expectations.

I have no idea why these two pictures are merged. LMAO!

If I was asked to choose between FSOG and KINGSMAN, I would probably re-watch KINGSMAN hahhaa.

Plans and Decisions.

I have gotten my SAT result.


It was like 'OUCH!' that I falter in the exam.
The score was very mediocre which probably cannot take me to the universities that I am interested in.





So
I'm gonna RETAKE, giving myself another chance. This year is definitely a very busy year. Besides sitting for AS at May/June, I'll be sitting SAT I in June, IELTS, TOEFL, SAT II and AL exams this year. 

I just don't know if I can cope but I have faith in myself.


Let's stop thinking about playing this year. Like, no movies, no singing, no games....etc. End up a boring guy :l 

should have really started last year.

Mumblings...

So there's a third day in which he too sat beside me. Sometimes he watched movies, sometimes he studied CIMP books like International Business (something like that) etc. Oh wait, it's CIMP! And then I realized that he is a CIMP student, which means he's as young as I am and he studied in the same college as I did.

I was almost always studying, and peeping. Hwahwa, that's not the point. Until a time I really got frustrated with the chemistry, I would lay my head down moving around like a kid saying 'It's so hard! I couldn't take it anymore!!'. I held me head up again, it's him there rubbing his eyes wearily for quite a long time (2 minutes? 3 minutes?).

One day, I really studied till quite late, like 2 pm in the evening, only then I got up to the cafe nearby with my friend. So after both of us settle down, he and his friend too went to the cafe to have their lunch. Aight he ate a lot.

He didn't speak English with his friend. His friend actually looks a bit like Korean. So probably he's a Korean. But I'm not too sure because the language he spoke didn't sound like Korean. And BUT apparently they do not have the height of the Koreans there.

Mumblings...

I am actually very excited to apply for overseas universities. So today I went to the IOUP office and registered for the Thursday's London Universities Talk. GOSH, it's Imperial College London, King's College London and University College London. They are very very top schools! I'm especially attracted to King's College London. Because it's not TOO TOP. Also I took a booklet on applying to US universities. I'm so excited and motivated to do everything :P

Lovely, I was given a chance to go anywhere I could, so there's no turning back.
I came here for a better life, and so of course I will go somewhere else for the same reason.

Mumblings...(continued)

So as you know I'm preparing for my examinations, I went to Monash library everyday. The next day, I was sitting in the same row at the seat where he sat that time because the seat that I sat was occupied. After a while, that seat was vacant again, but I paid no heed to that, because that's not important. I was studying chemistry I supposed. He came, again, and sat my yesterday's seat. Well I had to admit that I couldn't focus, I didn't know why. People may think that someone who is distracting can be due to having tall-ness, good figure, very nice looking or sexy whateva. He didn't really own all of these qualities.

I find it okay...

Thank God it's still weekend 
(I'm almost going to say FRIDAY! in this post, and then procrastination made me here).

Still, I was busy as hell after the SAT because we're having presentations. I've done mine on Thursday. Next, there'll be a test. ARGHHH...
Thank God Tuesday is Thaipusam!


So that day, someone PS me. (obviously I'm not completing the Mumblings story here)
I was asked if I were into 'chem fun'. I really would need some examples as it's hard for me to imagine how chemicals can be related to having sex. POPPERS or ICE etc, he said. 

POPPERS, I heard that before. Or a well-known name as RUSH.
(Ahh SHIT, so my blog is turning into an adult site?)
Hahahhh I don't mind though. I'm turning 19 this year, I'm legal, remember?

Poppers are alkyl nitrites to be inhaled to enhance sexual pleasure. So how does it work? It actually increases the blood flow to head and you'll feel weird and headrushy. It makes you wanna get your orifices stuffed OR you would want to jam your appendages into someone's hole. Quote what they said 'They don’t make you horny, necessarily; they make you want to fuck.' It's like a drug, but its effect is very transitory. 
I have no idea whether this stuff is legal or not (should be legal I guess).

I was actually very interested in this thingy. 
But A-levels have preoccupied half of my life dude!

I know my friends are quite traditionally-minded (generally people around me are like that) so I'm not surprised to find that they would think that having sex is only OK with someone they truly love and so one night stand is definitely a 'NO'. But to me, I harbor a different opinion that as I'm not attached and so has no responsibilities to 'keep my first time' (as I imagine that they would say) for someone.

Am I too open on this topic OR is that this society too confined?

Mumblings..

So I will be calling this guy Mr Library to ease the storytelling. Where am I now?


Oh ya so I really thought he study in Monash. He's a bit twink-ish though. Sometimes I noticed that he looked at my stack of books on the table.

He then went out. And came back with a cup of red Starbucks coffee(it's X'mas promotion coffee I guessed). It just caught my eye when he walked towards this direction and it was the first time I actually saw him. He too, was looking at me. In an introvert manner, I felt terrified. I instead compelled myself to study study study. But I was kinda preoccupied with something that I couldn't even focus.

So I stood up to go toilet. And came back. I actually just wanted to have a glance, but it just happened that we both looked at each others. 
WTF. 


I have NO IDEA where he come from. Surely, not Malaysian.

Mumblings

Hi, I'm finally back from the SAT Reasoning test! As you can anticipate, I have been doing all those exercises from books for these few weeks. And that's why I kinda disappear from social medias. Alright, who cares? hahahahhh. I don't mind though.

Oh, SAT is a standardized test from the US. So if you're interested in getting admitted into a US university, you will need SAT scores. I guess I slightly prefer US universities to UK universities (and I don't know why). Generally the difference between UK universities and US universities is that UK universities normally have very nice names (Imperial, Bristol, Bath, King's, Queen Mary, Cambridge etc.) whereas for the US universities, only the Ivy League have nice names (Columbia, Princeton, Pennsylvania, Harvard, Yale etc.) *Laugh* I know name doesn't mean the quality, but it actually means a lot. I would deem it as essential as reputations of the universities.

I am doing A-levels which actually intend to warp me to UK universities. But I'm doing SAT at the same time either, hoping to be enrolled into Columbia (which is quite unlikely to happen), or at least into UCLA hopefully. 
There are few people this years got the conditional offer to Cambridge (and to study medicine). Woww!

I'm sorry that I lost the flow on this post. I had done my SAT finally, but I'm still busily preoccupied with presentation and other thingy. 
Ahhh second semester is so much more tiring than the first! 




So I actually met this unknown guy in the library last year. He sat beside me and put his jacket on the other seat beside him. So my first impression be like: 'wtf, omg? you're serious?' I was studying my stuff for the semester exams which turned out damn hard. He was too. Then he picked up his phone, or phone his friends. He spoke kinda foreigner's English. So I actually observed him: he's so white until red with a half Chinese face, his hair is soft dark brown, his eyes are big and soulful..... and he's talking in the library. 
saying something like 'they're not in the class' and 'do some business' or 'no business'. Well I thought he was a Monash students. I thought. D:

End of 2014

I guess there will be a time in your life in which you got really upset and kind of annoyed. The emotions had built up for a long time and eventually it exploded. The impact was enormous, immense, and everything was in turmoil and you know it won't stop at that moment. Every single thing that you had been holding and taking, would be jettisoned so that your yacht could continue sailing across the unknown seas.

This epitomizes my 2014. A year of having sleepless nights spent to dwell on what's going awry, and, to be grateful for what's going right. 

The situation was ossifying. The communications were sparse. No one was willing to be as candid as they were to others. Too much of hidden truth. Someone's being capricious, dispassionate, unduly dogged (which was so irritating that I can't bear so much) as predicted and thus a choice-less education had to be given. It's a one way ticket to send us apart. ya know. *smirk* probably I'm just semi-kidding, who knows?






Let me clear your doubt. If a second chance were to be given, I would still do the same.
Guess I don't mind much to educate people. 
Life lessons, appreciate it! 





Don't judge!

I've been putting things down. Afraid-ness, emptiness, dogma. Just to mitigate the vacillation I've been experiencing all this time in my life. But effacing all of my erroneous decisions seemed impossible.

What I could think of is to escape - run from every thing that made me so dependent to something in my life. There's a moment that I felt so excited to go out of this town. It's a generic old town after all, nothing really to be missed except my home, bed, friends and otak-otak.

Hence I started to navigate my destination, perhaps forage a final goal.
I wanted to create my own brand based on novel, eco-friendly concepts. I hope this would give more drive and impetus to me from being too lazy. I'm just too relaxed, I know, I know.


Let's not further discuss the distant past or future.

Byeeee 2014.



My friends and I went to the Avillion, Port Dickson. The beach was disappointing. The place was still amazing though. I have longed for a trip with friends to Avillion years ago, but the trip was not successful as it's quite expensive for few of us. So this time, we went there during a promotion period, AND with 10 of us, each of us just had to pay RM60+ for the hotel. 

My teeth ain't that bad right?

Imma faking

The lady beside me was Ying Ying. We're having the same constellation! Oh well That's not even important.

>>>>>That was the Empress Dowager. He says "You shall not go to the ball!"

You might be realising my mouth was almost opening.
Again, don't judge! Hahaha.
I just find the expression looks better in a photo.
There's nothing to do with me being bitchy.



The place was relaxing and chilling. But my friends were screaming at the night. As you can anticipate, 2 rooms to accommodate 5 people will cause sleepless night......


I'm not willing to post photos of me sleeping because they are unexpectedly horrendous.



See ya!